Betrayer
by MEStarr
Summary: What if, after the events of Shelley Pomroy's party, Veronica did try and tell Logan..?
1. Prologue

**Veronica Mars**

**Summary: What if after the events of Shelley Pomroy's party Veronica did try to tell Logan…**

**Chapter 1 = Prologue**

Tears. It seems that it was their nature to be persistent. One single drop of the salt water would create a domino effect, sending them streaming down your face. At least that's what it was like for me. It seems that every day they reappeared for even only the minor events…like the word 'slut' spray painted onto my car or locker. Before leaving for Shelley's party I made a promise not to cry again…that one barely saw the light of day. They call me a betrayer…apparently to myself as well.

You hear it and see it on the TV; that showers were often the refuge of a rape victim; a way to 'clean' yourself of the traumatic, devastating violation that will no doubt change your life. This was no different for me; I spent three hours straight sobbing my heart out in the shower the morning after. Then long showers whenever possible for a long time after that…a very long time after that.

People at school continued to spread rumors, vandalize my car and locker, and treat me like I was invisible when they ploughed into to me in the hallway. All this led by the one and only Mr. Logan Echolls. Yes, that's exactly who you think it is, the son of legendary movie star Aaron Echolls. And my old best friend. Back then when we'd been the Fabfour, he'd once told me that he'd always be there for me, that he'd never leave me…that we could always talk to each other. So, being the fool that I am, I tried to put aside the unlimited humiliation that he supplied me and I made a foolish attempt to take him up on that. I kept a stray hope that he might hear me…but after all…I am a betrayer.


	2. Stray Hopes

**Veronica Mars**

**Chapter 2 = Stray Hopes**

I watched from my car as Logan, Dick, Casey and Cassidy made their way to their cars; parked in the row closest to the school, after all, their superiority saved them their 'elite' parking spaces. Cassidy and Dick were leaning against the back of Dick's truck while Casey and Logan stood before them, laughing at something.

Taking a deep breath I stood up and approached them with all the confidence that I could muster. They noticed me and quickly took their usual places; Casey at Logan's flank, Dick leaning against the back of the car in a bored, laid-back fashion, then Cassidy taking up the rear.

"Well, well, well! What do we have here? None other than Neptune's resident slut! Whad'ya like Ronnie?" Logan smirked.

I took another deep breath and looked at him, "Can I talk to you for a minute…in private?" I asked timidly, twisting my hands together.

His cronies behind him 'ooh'd' and 'aah'd' and I even heard an 'oo-er!' He actually winced and took a dramatic step back, arms crossed in front of him as if to ward off an unwanted spirit. "'Fraid not, see, I don't want to be contaminated do I? Who knows what types of terrible diseases you carry?"

"STD" Casey stage whispered back to Dick and Cassidy and they all burst out laughing. My eyes immediately watered, blurring my vision and I stared down at my feet.

"Aww…Ronniekins. Did the Big Bad Dude upset you? Diddums. "Logan laughed with a faux-sympathetic voice like he was talking to a small child.

I sighed and raised my head to look him in the eye, matching the intensity of his gazed, "You know Logan, I just wanted to tell you something…something really quite important. I mean it seems totally ridiculous for me to feel like I can tell _you _something that I can't even tell my _dad_! I dunno, I suppose I've just been holding onto a strange hope that maybe, deep, deep down, you still have one tiny part of you that maybe gives a shit." I noticed the shock flit across his face at such a word passing my 'pure' lips. "But I apologize _sincerely _for that terrible mistake." I told him, not breaking eye contact at all until I turned on my heel and walked away without one glance back.

As I approached my car, I tried desperately to savor that one look of remorse and concern that passed momentarily across Logan's face because I knew very well that I would never see it again.


	3. Losses

**VM Betrayer c3**

I couldn't sleep that night; tossing and turning, throwing the covers off me then pulling them back on. The reason for this was totally unknown to me. As the hour hand of the clock passed 2 o'clock in the morning I got up, slipping on my shoes and a black hoodie over the dark grey Nike trackies and white tank I'd slept in.

Somehow, half an hour later, I found myself in the graveyard on the other side of town in the 09er district. In other words this was place where the rich and of course important people were buried. I padded slowly towards the new, white granite headstone that glowed in the moonlight. I sank to my knees before it, tracing the engraved name with my fingers. "Hey Lilly." I murmured before lying down on my side on the grass, imagining that I was lying next to my best friend.

"Sorry it's been more than two days since I visited; you know how it's been. I have been meaning to visit! Promise." I smiled and yawned, "I couldn't sleep tonight Lils. It's been like that a lot; every time I close my eyes I see images of all my…well…ex-friends around me-"I broke off, squeezing my eyes shut in an attempt to remove the picture. "And it doesn't make it any better when they all say those things that they don't realize are true. The endless cusses and insults…I sound so pathetic but the constant abuse and humiliation is really starting to get to me; I would never tell anyone else that though." I sniffed and brushed the hair out of my face. "How are you though? I hope you're okay. You've probably made loads of friends up there already. S'pose it'll always be like that won't it? You die and gain, I live and lose. Now I don't want to cry and get all emotional now but I really have to get this out."

I took a deep breath and began to twist my hands together, "I've lost you, Duncan, your whole family. I've lost my mother and with her part of my dad. I've lost all my friends I could ever have at school. And I've lost Logan! The Fabulous Four has been reduced to…what? The Tenacious Two? I dunno. But yeah, I've lost everything with you. And yes, some of that was probably my fault; I mean; I went to the party. I sided with my dad…but _of course _I'm going to side with him! He's all I have!" I took another deep breath and rolled onto my back, staring up at the clear, starry sky. "Logan made out like his family would adopt me, or _your _family! But then I'd either be out of place or some weird sort of replacement for you and I couldn't do that! I needed my one person family and that was that."

"But the worst thing is that someone _took _the one part of me that I thought nobody could touch! I thought it was safe from everything until I was ready. But it was stolen." A tear spilled over and ran down my face, "I can't get that back Lil! And all I can think of was that if you were here it wouldn't have happened! You, Duncan and Logan would have all been with me…it wouldn't have happened." I finished feebly. Another shaky sigh left my mouth and I watched as the first rays of sun spilt over the horizon. It must be about 5 or 6 then. "But I guess this is life now…this is the life of the betrayer I am. But who did I betray Lilly? I'd never betray you. But _He_ made me choose…between them or my dad. And I couldn't leave him. Do you understand that? You need to…I love you Lilly Kane, I'll see you soon."

(Lilly's POV)

My heart was breaking as I watched Veronica walking away; yes it was dead but it still broke. I couldn't understand how she didn't see Logan standing there; he'd been there the whole time and she hadn't noticed.

It sounded awful but I almost hated the boy at the moment, all the pain he'd caused my best friend, no…_our_ best friend; it was unforgivable. The four of us were the Fab-Four! And I was frankly ashamed to see what they'd become without me. I couldn't understand how they'd let this happen to her, how they hadn't seen that something had happened to her and that she needed their help! Anger had almost overcome me as I watched how Logan treated her when she asked for help.

I was so angry with Duncan too though, he may not be insulting her openly but how could he just stand by and watch while everyone treated his ex-girlfriend this way. There wasn't much I could do, but I'd use every ounce of power I had to make things right again.


	4. Reality Check

**VM Betrayer c4 The Definition of a Friend**

The rest of the week passed uneventfully; only minor issues of car vandalism of new rumours. I spent most of the time avoiding Logan Echolls at all costs like I usually did. Whenever I saw accidently caught his eye he'd always have this weird expression on his face; something in the realms of guilt, concern and fascination. I ignored it and kept on walking; after all, any interaction we shared usually ended in tears on my part and further humiliation.

On Friday my dad left for business upstate; he'd said he'd be back in a week, maybe longer if needs be. In a way I was looking forward to the time on my own; it had been a long time since he'd gone away. I made myself a small dinner before changing into some black tracksuit bottoms, and a black hoodie. I ran all the way to the graveyard this time, slightly out of breath when I reached the grave. I hadn't been running since before everything happened and now I needed to.

"Hi Lils, not our normal time I know, but I needed to get out." I sat down on the grass, leaning against the side of her headstone. I laid a bunch of flowers I'd picked on the ground, "Dad's gone away for a while; I have free reign over the office for a week! And I'll solve our cases like I promised; mine and yours."

I drew my knees up to my chest and tied by long wavy hair up into a high, messy bun. "It's weird, Logan's been acting really strangely this week; he's not himself. It seems mainly around me but who knows. He hasn't been insulting me, or trying to humiliate me or anything. Course I won't get my hopes up…he's probably saving up for some ultimatum. I had a weird dream last night, where we became friends again. Like that would ever happen. See, even if his hatred for me magically subsided, I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again. Or Duncan for that matter. And god that makes me sad." I sighed with an exasperated smile.

Just then I heard a twig snap behind me and my head flew round to see none other than Logan Echolls standing there. "Logan!" I exclaimed, on my feet in a subtle defensive position in seconds; bracing myself for abuse. "What are you doing here?"

"Coming to see Lilly." He told me like it was the most obvious thing in the world and I suppose it was.

I nodded slightly, "I'll go." I murmured, walking in the direction he'd just come. As I passed him he stopped me by gently grabbing my arm, I looked at his hand in surprise, then at his face, "Aren't you afraid you'll catch something?" I asked coldly.

He ignored me, "Stay." He said, barely audibly, "Just stay a while Veronica."

For a second I thought that the old Logan was standing in front of me and I was convinced so I did as he asked, I went and sat beside my best friend's grave across from him. We sat in silence for a long while in the dark graveyard; it was a tense and awkward silence for me at least. "Did you hear what I said before?" I asked, breaking the quiet.

"Yes," he told me honestly, "All of it." I looked at him for a second, trying to find the malice in his eyes but found none. If I didn't know him better I might have been fooled again to think this was my old best friend who I knew and loved.

"Every word of it was true…before you ask."

"I don't doubt that." I was confused, he was acting strangely.

Letting out a sigh I looked up at the sky, there were clouds covering it in a thick layer tonight; I didn't get the freedom of the stars, "Listen Logan, if you're gonna insult me just go right ahead and do it. I can't be bothered with this."

"I'm not going to insult you Veronica! That's not what I spend my life doing!" he retorted.

"Could've fooled me." I murmured and I heard him sigh exasperatedly. "What! Oh yeah, I forgot, you also lead a very successful crusade against me. Or is that the same thing?" I asked sarcastically.

"For God's sake!" he exclaimed, "Alright, I'm not going to insult you. I just want to talk. I haven't talked to you in ages just the two of us and I haven't had the chance; I want to."

My mouth dropped open as I stared at him incredulously, "Haven't had the chance? How can you say that! _Last week_ I asked you if I could talk to you in private and you just refused! _And_ insulted _and_ humiliated me at the same time!"

"Well you can now."

"It doesn't work like that! Remember back when we were best friends? If you haven't forgotten that is. Yes, there was a time when we were inseparable." He frowned and nodded, "Do you remember telling me that whatever happened I could _always_ come to you? That I could always talk to you?" there were actually tears in my eyes as I shouted at him, "Well last week that's exactly what I tried to do. And I promise you this…never again."

He was looking at me in evident shock, "I'm sorry." He finally managed, "I didn't-"

"Don't you dare say you didn't know. I _told _you! But yeah it was stupid of me to think that you'd still care so never mind." I said in an attempt to end the conversation.

"I still care Veronica! I do."

"Well you sure have a funny way of showing it." I sighed and we fell back into silence. I could feel his eyes boring holes into my head but I refused to look at him, "You blame me for her death." I said finally; a statement rather than a question?" he seemed genuinely shocked.

"Give me a reason not to. I _did_ tell her about you and Yolanda didn't I. So I was the reason you weren't with her." I don't know why I found myself making excuses for him.

"You were her best friend; I don't blame you. You did the same for me."

I frowned, still refusing to meet his eyes, "So tell me truthfully. Why did you, how would you put it? Throw me out?"

"Because you abandoned me! All of us; Duncan and I needed you and you sided with your Dad! I gave you a choice and you left us!" he said, his voice rising.

"That was never a fair choice! You had no right to ask me to choose! It was not fair on me!" I yelled back, "My best friends or the only family I had? So yeah I'd just lost one of the few people I loved, you thought it was right that I lose more! A _best friend_ would never make you choose! They wouldn't throw you out and hate you. They'd stand by you! They wouldn't turn all your friends against you. They wouldn't make it their life's mission to _destroy_ you!" A tear spilled down my cheeks and I wiped it quickly away, "You know I found a video of Shelley Pomroy's annual party last summer. Of _you_ taking body shots off me when I was passed out; just for laughs?"

His eyes widened, "We were all drunk that night. I'd never thought you'd see it. I'm sorry about that."

"Well that makes it all better then." I said sarcastically, "You know that night was the second worst night of my life. It's the night I wanted to talk to you about…of course that was before I saw the video." I told him.

"What do you mean? What happened?"

I laughed humorlessly, "No. That one stays with Lilly now."

"Damn it Veronica! You will tell me, one day you will!" he shouted, making me jump, "Over the past week I've been thinking a lot, alright? This may sound ridiculously but I _miss_ you Ronica!"

I froze in shock: did he really just say that? "Huh?"

"I do. And I want you back in my life. I will try, honestly I'll try. I'll do whatever it takes to make you trust me again."

I frowned, "Well that's alright then; you want me back so you'll have me? What Logan wants, Logan gets?" I asked, "You can't buy my trust Logan. There are only three people in the world who I trust and you're not one of them. That sounds awful and harsh I know, but it's true. And I'll just say that I have changed a lot. I'm no longer that naïve little Disney-princess Veronica who you knew, "I told him, then thought a minute before finishing the sentence, "Or thought you knew. Anyway, I don't trust easily now."

"Who are the three?" he asked after a shocked silence.

"Lilly and my Dad." I told him, I wouldn't tell him that the third and he wouldn't guess.

"That's two."

I nodded, "I'm glad to see your maths has improved." He scowled playfully and I felt a smile on my face before righting myself. The old Logan was gone; gone with the old Duncan and the old Veronica.

"I have to go Logan." I told him and we both stood up.

"How are you getting home?" he asked.

"Running. You better get rid of these glimpses of Logan-Past before Monday. People may begin to worry."

He was frowning again, "I'll drive you home. It's late, you can't run."

"Yeah I can, some of us live in the real world Logan; I can look after myself. I'll see you on Monday." With that I walked away from him, breaking into a run a minute afterwards and not stopping until I reached my house. I still couldn't fully comprehend what had just happened. I decided to sleep on it.


End file.
